Dear Santa,

Here is my wishlist for this Christmas:

1.) $ 69,000,000
2.) A Bugtti Veyron Super Sports
3.) A complete set of the Malazan Book of the Fallen novels
4.) An apprenticeship with Goku to teach me the instant transmission technique
5.) Revival of Albert Einstein to invent a time machine for me

Please realize that partial completion of this list is unacceptable. And failure to comply with my request will mean dangerous consequences (ie. a campaign for an increase in activities that would lead to faster global warming for the ultimate goal of melting the whole northern pole ice cap)

But the list could be replaced with Package Option #2:

1.) The girl of my dreams

*because I do not need an expensive car as long as we always travel together; she would buy the book series for me; I would not need the instant transmission technique as long as she doesn't leave my side; I do not need a time machine if we would be growing old together.
**as for the money, maybe you should include it in this package after all.

Of this bargain shall be under certain conditions:

1.) she is not more than 5 feet tall
2.) she can speak japanese
3.) her name is benazhir

Sincerely,
Me

P.S. always nice talking with you Santa!
P.P.S. Think about the North Pole dude.

Have you seen the stars lately?
I haven't.
Yes, I still do love them.
You mean I should see them because I love them?
Well, I love you more but I haven't seen you lately.

I'm about to sleep in a few minutes.
I really don't want to yet.
There's still a lot of clutter on my bed.
i wish I could sleep in your bed tonight.
I could just imagine it being a lot more comfortable than my bed.
If only for the fact that it would mean I would get to be next to you.

And of course, there's the waking up thing.
I'm getting tired of waking up and realizing I won't be seeing you again today.
Maybe I should watch Dragon Ball tonight once again.
I'll take a closer look at how Goku uses that instant transmission technique.
And then I'll use it to leave a bar of Snickers in your doorstep.

Mountains and plains,
Islands and seas,
Plenty of useless things I see
Separating you and me.


I love it here,
You love it there,
But still it would be better
If we could be together.


People in the military
i usually pity
But this one general
I sure envy
Cause he can say "Benazhir
spent her Christmas with me."


So I'll be calling tonight
My guys, Phineas and Ferb
To get make me a machine
To teleport me there.


P.S. I'll call you when my teleporter has arrived.

A tall tower stood deep in the forest. The Golden Fairy lived there alone. She knew all the mysteries of this world and would give advice to people who had troubles. However, in recompense, she would demand the person's soul, which some say she would eat.

She's all-knowing, arrogant, cheeky, and demonic. And she would only have things one way--her way. She's small but she talks big. She's demanding and moody. She's smart but she's lazy. A little creature but a big pain in the ass.

But if only one would get to know her more, I'm sure that one will grow to love her.

I did.

Because I realized a lot of things about her. She demands for people's souls but not because she eats them. She only wants them to keep her company because she hates being alone. She's demanding and easily irked but a bar of chocolate is all it takes to please her. She talks big because she thinks big. She doesn't settle for for an ordinary human's standard. And she's lazy because she's too smart for the things around her and they merely bore her. But find her something interesting and no one would be able to disturb her.

A friend of mine is about to graduate college and wrote a letter to his 11 year old self so he could boast to his younger self how the past 10 years has made him awesome. Well, after reading it, I decided I should do the same, only this time, I would write to my self 10 years from now. And it will be an open letter where you guys can get clues of why I haven't posted anything for more than 3 months. Here, read on:

Dear 30 year old me, 

How are you? I bet you're an awesome guy by now. You should be. I've been working hard to give you a better life than I have so you better be doing your best as well. I'd fucking kill you if I find out you're not being the most awesome you can be.

OK, I know I've fucked up and you had to clean up my mess, but, hey, I know that wasn't so hard for an amazing guy like you. I still don't know whether I passed or failed that AC Machines course. I'm already saying sorry if it ended up with a 5.0 and you had to take the course again. But if you did, you owned it, right? I know your pride wouldn't let you get an average grade on a subject you're already taking for the second time. I'm sorry if I didn't make it the first time around. But you know how much I tried. I gave my best in that final exam.

 Christmas, Christmas, Christmas...

Probably among the most famous celebrations on Earth. And more than likely the most special holiday for those who believe in it. During Christmas season, there's just that nice feeling in the air. The problems of the world do not disappear, they just seem to get a wee bit smaller. Even if just the slightest bit.

It would have been nice if it was like this all year round but no, Christmas only happens once a year. It's not quite often for species who only live for around 70-80 years. And that's even if you're lucky. And so, we want this special day to be accordingly special. Actually, if possible, we want this day to be perfect.

Well, it's not really just Christmas. There's all those special occasions. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, promenades, graduation, losing one's virginity, wedding proposals... There are these occasions that we just want to be perfect.

The problem is: shit happens. Something wrong, something not according to plan, something bad happens. And then we get angry, or sad. Well, really, mostly just disappointed. I mean, these occasions do not happen everyday, right? Why can't we get a nice perfect day even just once in a while. Even just during the special days. Actually, for me, even just for Christmas.

But no, even that little wish, just can't be.

But you know what, I think it's just fine. So what if things didn't go exactly according to plan? So what if some things get screwed up? Because the truth is, it's actually the best day to get shit. I mean, come on! With all the holiday hype and everything!

For example, if you get dumped on Christmas day, so what? There are lots of other people who also feel the cold and it's the easiest time of the year to find someone to sleep with. Srsly. And If you're spending Christmas alone, then turn on your your radios to max volume and play a Metal Christmas CD. So what if your neighbors complain of the noise? You're fuckin' alone on Christmas, for God's sake, you have a right to disturb the whole neighborhood. So what if you're favorite shirt got stained? It's the time of gift giving anyway. Go ask a friend to give you a new one. Or rather, go buy yourself a new one.

It's just that we're thinking backwards with these things. We're thinking, "I'd really hate it if something bad happens. I mean on Christmas?" Why can't we think on the tune of, "It's fine if something bad happens. It's Christmas anyway."

I mean, so what if Christmas is just a once a year celebration? We only celebrate our lives once, and we've accepted that it's not perfect.

Whoever gave us the idea that it's bad for something bad to happen? Look, I'm not saying, we should just smile on whatever happens. I mean, I'm pretty lonely this Christmas. Why else would I be spending my time here in front of the computer just to write this crap if I'm having a great day? 

Yes, it's a terrible Christmas for me. I'd rather not enumerate the reasons why. 

But it's fine.

It's Christmas after all.

There's this feeling that there is nothing that can't be fixed by a some good loud music and a bottle of beer.

Or two.

Happy Christmas, to those who believe in it. To others, well, good day to you. :)

Christmas is really just the best time of the year. It's the time when everything seems just a little bit lighter, brighter, sweeter, spicer, and everything nicer. As an example, read this next line out loud:

Fuck you

See? Doesn't it sound a little less offensive? A little funnier? Christmas is just simply amazing. :]

But honestly, Christmas day has always been a little too troublesome for me. A little too tiring than what I  hope it'd be. So I'm gonna grab a bite and rest for a bit, then I'll write my actual Christmas post.

Merry Christmas everyone! :]

It's almost a week through December already and I haven't posted a celebratory entry for Nanowrimo yet so you should have figured it out. Yep, I didn't get to reach the 50,000 word count target. You could fish for reasons on why I didn't make it but you'll probably guess wrong.

Because, no, I did not get tired of writing my novel. While writing, I was actually in a somewhat state of bliss which almost felt like I was masturbating. I also did not run out of things to write. With so many scenes and dialogues I have in mind, it could have reached much more than 50k words if I used them all. I also did not get too busy with school and with work (because November means no exams; and for the sake of Nanowrimo, I have once again paused from working).

I have been going around telling people that the reason why I did not finish it is that I chose to do some other things that I enjoyed more. (Yep, some things give me more pleasure than wanking off.) And most people are often satisfied with that reasoning of mine. I mean, they should be. Anyone who saw me out last month would figure out that I was having the time of my life. And the people who were with me during the last weekend of November knew how much I was enjoying spending all my time preparing for that something which I didn't really got the chance to showcase but that's not the point. I'm just proving that I had it really is the reason why I didn't get to finish the novel.

But someone didn't believe me. And I had to admit that she got a point when she told me, (now this is a rephrased statement to make it sound a little less perverse) "You would have jizzed in your pants upon reaching 50k words so I'm not buying that you stopped at 45k all because you wanted to spend your weekend doing some shit so you can please some tits." This line is actually the reason why I'm writing this post. It just made some ideas run into my head and I have to write them down so that I can keep track.

For starters, what she said was true. I just actually might've been having wet dreams about reaching 50k. And it would've only took me around 4 hours to write that 5k word ending. So why didn't I do it? There's one plausible reason that immediately popped in my head. And it's something I don't really want to admit.

It's that I just didn't want to finish my novel. And it roots down to the fact that I don't want to finish anything. Well, if you must know, I hate endings. I always feel sad upon reaching the last page of a book, or upon reaching the last track in an album. And I'm always in the verge of tears while watching the last episode of a tv series or the last chapter of some manga. I know it sounds gay but I can't help it.

(EDIT: Supposedly, there are 7 more paragraphs but I deleted them. I was supposed to write something else to replace it but I decided to just end this post right here.)

The second day of NaNo is already over (at least here in the Philippines) and all I have is 2,062 words. Yep, I'm WAY behind schedule. I actually have a legitimate excuse since I'm sick; I'm down with a flu for a few days now.

BUT, I wasn't really resting these last two days. I'm just doing that. You know. The thing a Wrimo is not supposed to do during November but is actually doing so most of the time. I've been watching movies, watching TV series, daydreaming about a girl, reading books, staring at facebook, hanging at the NaNo forums, yaddayaddayadda. Yep, I was PROCRASTINATING. And I procrastinated immediately. Pfft.

Anyway, I should go back to writing my novel. This post is just a little warm up for my fingers(which means a little more procrastinating). So I'm gonna go now and leave a few lines from my novel.

The history of this Earth would have gone down the same path as the other Earth (or Earths, the existence of other Earths have also always been a subject of debate). There is however one event that made it follow a very different path. This event is known as Exsorcell which translates as "the discovery that the gods are actually quite stupid."
This is a part of an introduction to the setting of my story. I actually think it's unnecessary and would probably remove it when I'm editing the novel already. But hey, a few additional words to help me get 50,000 shouldn't be so bad, no?

Arlon Curlywind, Utmost Consummate Invoker of the Forbidden Light, Six-Time Ultimate Spellcaster in the Merlin Awards, Master of the 9th Level of Thaum, and current Chief of the Order of the Fourth Side of the Triangular Point Blank which is the wizarding order guarding the Nowhere Cellars, is not the person you would want to be telling the bad news to. But the the poor underwizard was just ordered to tell it again.
Now this one is an introductory line about my actually unimportant character. But honestly, creating badass lines like this is the only reason I'm writing fantasy so I decided to share it anyway. :]