ickz (oldstorytoldnew) wrote,


It's almost a week through December already and I haven't posted a celebratory entry for Nanowrimo yet so you should have figured it out. Yep, I didn't get to reach the 50,000 word count target. You could fish for reasons on why I didn't make it but you'll probably guess wrong.

Because, no, I did not get tired of writing my novel. While writing, I was actually in a somewhat state of bliss which almost felt like I was masturbating. I also did not run out of things to write. With so many scenes and dialogues I have in mind, it could have reached much more than 50k words if I used them all. I also did not get too busy with school and with work (because November means no exams; and for the sake of Nanowrimo, I have once again paused from working).

I have been going around telling people that the reason why I did not finish it is that I chose to do some other things that I enjoyed more. (Yep, some things give me more pleasure than wanking off.) And most people are often satisfied with that reasoning of mine. I mean, they should be. Anyone who saw me out last month would figure out that I was having the time of my life. And the people who were with me during the last weekend of November knew how much I was enjoying spending all my time preparing for that something which I didn't really got the chance to showcase but that's not the point. I'm just proving that I had it really is the reason why I didn't get to finish the novel.

But someone didn't believe me. And I had to admit that she got a point when she told me, (now this is a rephrased statement to make it sound a little less perverse) "You would have jizzed in your pants upon reaching 50k words so I'm not buying that you stopped at 45k all because you wanted to spend your weekend doing some shit so you can please some tits." This line is actually the reason why I'm writing this post. It just made some ideas run into my head and I have to write them down so that I can keep track.

For starters, what she said was true. I just actually might've been having wet dreams about reaching 50k. And it would've only took me around 4 hours to write that 5k word ending. So why didn't I do it? There's one plausible reason that immediately popped in my head. And it's something I don't really want to admit.

It's that I just didn't want to finish my novel. And it roots down to the fact that I don't want to finish anything. Well, if you must know, I hate endings. I always feel sad upon reaching the last page of a book, or upon reaching the last track in an album. And I'm always in the verge of tears while watching the last episode of a tv series or the last chapter of some manga. I know it sounds gay but I can't help it.

(EDIT: Supposedly, there are 7 more paragraphs but I deleted them. I was supposed to write something else to replace it but I decided to just end this post right here.)

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